Boden Update: Thank You for Giving to the Lord

I got to spend the afternoon with the Bodens. I feel so at home there. They are my family. I got to give the kids a bath and help them get ready for bed. Watch them running and playing in the yard. See so much more life in Matt's face. As they read stories at bedtime, I watched Lydia give Matt a kiss, rub his face where she kissed him, and say, "I wish Mommy got to give you a rubbing kiss before she died. I'll give you one for her, and you can keep it and remember it forever." She proceeded to kiss him. What a beautiful heart... Will you pray for Seth's processing of his mama's death, that he'll feel free to vocalize his thoughts about her as freely...

Today Matt went to meet with Seth and Lydia's teacher. Tomorrow will be their first day back at school and possibly the day when Caleb comes home from the hospital. Your prayers are appreciated for these transitions. Additionally, most of the closer family members and friends from out of town either left today or will be leaving tomorrow. Just at Kylee's memorial service alone, $19,000 was collected for the family. Wow. You can contribute as well, so that medical expenses, funeral expenses, and new baby expenses are covered. And so Matt doesn't have to focus on raising support this year (a weekly task, something that's always "on the radar" for any missionary). Visit www.nmsi.org/donate and click on "Boden, Matt and Kylee." All gifts are tax deductible, and NMSI honors preference of gifts solicited and, in accordance with IRS regulations, retains discretion and control over their use.

The hardest part of the grieving is over, I think. For me it was roughest from Wednesday night to Saturday night. I got a good night's sleep that night, a good nap the next day, and then the peace that came from the closure and celebration at her memorial service. I still cry hard several times a day, but I am able to work some (almost up to half days at the office again!), focus on other things when I need to. I am amazed by how tired my body still is from recovering from the month's health-related adventures. Your prayers for physical healing are appreciated.

One of my crying times came at devos yesterday when we shared a few Kylee memories. Rabecca played a song for us by Ray Boltz, and I started crying a lot because the words rang so true: “Thank you for giving to the Lord/I am a life that was changed/Thank you for giving to the Lord/I am so glad you gave.” I am a life that was changed by her life. I loved her deeply and she impacted me deeply. I could say that about many of you who are reading this as well. How beautiful that God allows us to reflect parts of Himself to each other...

Along the same lines, the back side of the program from The Celebration of Kylee's life has a picture of baby Caleb above which was written, "Even in her death, she brought life." What an incredible picture of the gospel Caleb will grow up having...someone really gave her life so that he could live! Wow.

When I saw Keri, Kylee's sister, the day after Kylee died all I could do was give her a big hug and say, "Kylee loved you SO MUCH!" (I have only met her briefly one other time, but some how this seemed appropriate.) Keri teared up and responded, "I wish I had died instead of her." The moment passed as I thought, "If Kylee had a choice between her or Keri dying, she totally would have picked herself. And Jesus has already picked himself to die in Keri's place. I so want her to believe the truth of that." Will you continue to pray for her salvation? This is a defining time for her... she is still so lost...

If Kylee had to define the message of her life, I think it would have gone a lot like the transcription that she wrote on a sketch of a baby resting in the Father's hands that she gave Erin last May: "Papa, hold us close. We are orphans, abandoned by our parents. We are helpless, naked, and alone. We are held together by your hand of GRACE." She wasn't afraid to identify the sadness in the world and wept regularly over sin and that things in this world aren't as He intended for them to be. She freely admitted her sinfulness, but didn't get stuck in despair over it. Instead she stood in awe of God's love and acceptance of her.

It reminds me of a time when Kylee was disciplining Lydia (5 now, perhaps 4 then?). Lydia told Kylee in a sincere and sorrowful tone, "Mommy, I'm trying so hard to be good, but sometimes I just can't do it. I keep doing bad things." Tearing up, Kylee held her close, cried with her, and said, "I know it's hard, Lydia. I can't do it either." So often we deny that we are in need, that we are helpless, fallen, stuck, powerless to become the people we want to be, the people God has created us to be... AND that's the end of the story. As was true about pretty much any conversation with Kylee, the end is that there is hope because of Jesus. We are in need, and He sustains us because He is good, merciful… As Tim Keller writes in The Prodigal God, "The prerequisite for receiving the grace of God is to know you need it." How beautiful that God loves us enough to show us over and over how much we fall short, how much we need Him. So He can reveal His grace all the more clearly. How beautiful that we were lucky enough to know an incredible woman who reminded us of this truth regularly.

"Thank you for giving to the Lord./I am a life that was changed./Thank you for giving to the Lord./I'm so glad you gave."