Boden Update

Praise God for your prayers. He has shown himself clearly here... Many blessed me deeply as they came alongside of me in grief. I got to see Matt and the kids for a while at their home. When we arrived, they were in the van in the garage, packed up and ready to go take the kids to visit baby Caleb in the hospital for the first time. I poked my head in. I didn't know what to say, but the first thing that tumbled out of my mouth was, "Can I give you a hug?" His long legs quickly covered the few feet between him and I as I stood just outside the garage, in the front yard. He turned and his eyes saw me. A deep tiredness and sadness about him, they didn't perk up , and he didn't exclaim my name, "Joanne!" in greeting as he usually does. But he connected with me and instantly I was in a bear hug... and perhaps a second later he started weeping, sobbing, his body shaking... maybe another second passed and mine did, too.

I hadn't been sure if it would be okay to stop by, or even where they were (hospital, house he'd stayed at with his parents/extended family that night to be loved on and cry while others babysat the kids and let them get a full nights rest before he told them in the morning that Kylee had passed away). Joe Belzer encouraged me to go, even gave me keys to a truck to get there. He gave me a priceless gift in that. Somehow I needed permission or advise to know if it was okay, whether the best thing to do was to stay away and let this be immediate family time and that's what Matt needed most or to go. Joe said, "You love those kids. I know you want to see them. You're closer than family in some ways. Love would go." I was committed at that point. A friend drove me there as I wasn't sure how I'd react... it's hard to drive while you're weeping. What a gift in that act of service.

Shortly after I arrived, Matt and the kids left to visit baby Caleb in the hospital (along with Matt's sister and Dad I believe). They were excited they got to see him, touch him, kiss him, etc. They showed us baby bottles the nurses gave them to practice with on their dolls. Sarai (2) realized it was fun to take the top part of the bottle off and on. She had a hard time twisting and configuring the different pieces to go together to screw on appropriately. At some point someone put juice in it for her and she was enjoying (somewhat frustrated) at trying to get the juice out of the nipple and into her belly.

I saw in the playroom eating lunch with Lydia (5) and Sarai (2)...just me and them for a bit, a real treat. I asked Sarai if she wanted to read a book from the stack of newer toys on the mini picnic table. I was surprised, but she did, climbing into my lap and letting me cuddle her and love on her. That picture would have made Kylee happy. She loved it when I loved on those kids. It made me think of story time before bed when I babysit. I miss them... I haven't been able to babysit for two or three weeks because I've been sick and consequently haven't seen them as much as normal. Maybe God was protecting me through the prolonged healing process... it would have been so much harder if I'd hung out with them all Monday night and she died Wednesday. It was surreal how every page had a different Bible story on it....and every page Sarai flipped to was a story about weeping, mourning, death, or babies. Job, the wounded man lowered through the roof, Solomon being born, etc. A good seven or eight of them. For a second I hesitated in reading them given the circumstances. We talked about all the tears and how we thought the characters were feeling.

Earlier Lydia, who was coloring a few feet away and popped over occasionally to see the pictures in the book we were reading, had said, "Today is a sad day. Mommy died. She was really good to me." I agreed, holding back tears. When we talked about the tears in the illustrations of the Bible characters, Lydia began a discussion about how sometimes when we're sad we cry and sometimes we don't. Later, her friend Alexia from next door came over, and I overheard Lydia explain, "Today is a sad day. My mommy's brain stopped working. And when brains stop working, people die." Alexia affirmed that this was sad. "I cried this morning," Lydia explained. "I cried yesterday," Alexia responded. Their play continued. A few minutes later Sarai got ahold of a big, fat, jumbo black crayon and was coloring hard over the eyes and on the cheeks of a poster-sized Snow White. "Make sad people. I make sad people," she explained as she scribbled forcefully. A little later... "Today is sad and happy," Lydia reflected. "You're right," I responded, "I'm happy to see you, and sad about your mom." "Yeah," she explained, "I'm sad about my mom dying and happy she's in heaven." The lense of faith and emotional maturity through which these kids can see is incredible... what a legacy from their mother... how beautiful the simplicity and honesty of children...

These were a few of the most profound moments in those hours. I am thankful for your intercession, for the chance to be with them and it feel so right, so peaceful, so at home, so sad, so awful, so hopeful. Especially since I leave for the hospital in a half hour this morning (Friday) for nasal surgery... getting to see the kids before the "don't let anything touch your nose" period was priceless. Being somewhere familiar and loved and hearing people talk alternately about plans to be made and incredible memories of an incredible woman was profound. My soul needed that. I am overwhelmed at how intimately God has made clear his provision for each member of that family. How Matt, though grieving, sad, a slower pace, more of an observer and listener than his usual upbeat, engaging, relational self (at least during the short time I saw him) has a strength about him that can only come from Jesus, from the prayers of his people that are upholding him right now. What a gift to experience that. For Kylee's mom who recently got engaged to an incredible man---that Kylee got to meet him and affirm, "Mom, he's perfect for you!" just weeks ago. For Shane, Kylee's brother, who was married June 2009 (that Kylee got to be a part of that), separated fall 2009 (that Kylee got to speak truth into that), grew tremendously in maturity and humility and is constantly moving towards fuller restoration with his wife (that Kylee got to see that).

A few more prayer requests...

Pray for Keri, Kylee's sister, to come to know Jesus through this.

Pray for our missionaries overseas, who are sad and grieving as they are away from our community here. Praise that for the blessing of getting to talk to Susan last night (missionaries recently deployed to Mexico... you may remember me referring to her in my Ministry Presentation over Christmas as one of the hardest good-byes I've ever said... "It hurts to look at you!" she asserted. "This is the only context in which that is a compliment!" I declared, with tears in my eyes).

I just learned that the celebration of Kylee's life is Sunday at 5:00. Will you pray that I'm rested/recovered enough from surgery to attend, be fully present at it? That would mean the world to me!

Love,

Joanne