Another Step (or Pedal?) in the Grieving Process

A few weekends ago I biked to Sanibel with Tim, a friend I went through COAT with. It was one of the times that I felt most "one of the family" with the Bodens. When I felt most like they were my advocates. As soon as Kylee heard that I was organizing a group of NMSI people to go bike there, she said, "Oh, good! We're in town that weekend! I can meet you there with the kids, and we'll have a picnic lunch!" Matt committed to riding with me, and up until the day before no one else had committed one way or the other. Perhaps some of my appreciation for the Bodens' support was because I hadn't heard from others regarding their participation, but it was more than that. It meant even more to me because it was backed by months of encouragement and love from each of them, through celebrations, victories, tears, depression, etc. As it turned out, two other guys biked the 28 miles with Matt and I that day. Two others came with Kylee and the kids. She packed a fun lunch for all of us, which turned out to be even more of an adventure than the bike ride as it was crazy windy that day and plates and cups kept blowing away. The sun was bright, and ants were nearby... It was beautiful.

So I biked back with Tim to sit in the same place and talk about Kylee memories. Before we even left I was weeping and asked him to pray for me. I felt really supported and loved during this bike ride, too. God is so good at bringing even the most unexpected people to support and love on me. He's so good at leading me in the next step in the grieving process.

When we arrived, there were 30 cars in the parking lot, but no people. As soon as we sat down at the edge of the water and started talking about Kylee three dolphins swam over. They played alongside of us the whole time we recounted memories. There was something so appropriate about that. Dolphins were my favorite animal growing up, and I remember a time at camp one year when we were playing a game... "Which animal are you the most like and why?" someone asked. "I'm like a dolphin because they're quiet and smart, and nobody knows it. And they're playful, too!" I said. That day on Sanibel I remembered that dolphins really value unity as well. If one of the pod is hurt or dying, they gather around it and push it up to the surface with their snouts/noses so that the injured animal can breathe. It was like that on Saturday and has been over the last months after Kylee's death as people have come together to grieve in unity and support each other. One other couple stopped by and saw the dolphins for a few minutes, but other than that it was just me and Tim. I think they were a gift from God just for us!

Another thought that came to mind as I looked out over the great expanse of water was a vision that my friend Helen had for me during COAT. She said that water often symbolizes the Holy Spirit in visions or pictures she gets for people. She had seen a huge body of water, significantly so compared to the amount of water she'd seen in other visions, that was calm...that a lot of peace was coming. Of and on since then I've remembered that vision and wondered when the peace would come. That day at Sanibel I got a visual for what Helen's vision may have looked like. And it's coming true. God is bringing peace into my life in a way that I never dreamed was possible. I'm thankful for Kylee's role in that. I'm thankful for your prayers. Many of you have been on this journey with me for years. Thank you for not giving up, for sticking it through. I know it hasn't always been easy. But even in pain their is beauty and freedom and hope.