What I Can't Do, Confessions of a Pride-aholic

A bit from my monthly e-mail update because some of you who read this do not get those...

In her Bible study on the book of Daniel, Beth Moore wrote that, “Satan recognizes the treasures God has given us more than we do.” He tries to convince us that we’re bad at the very things that we’re really good at. Satan has been trying to convince me that I’m not good at loving people, but God has been using this last month to affirm that He has gifted me in this area.

Not only that, God’s been pointing out ways that I’m prideful in how I love others (keep praying against that!), so that I can become more effective in ministry. When I try to take on things that are God’s job and not mine, I put a lot of pressure on myself, get tired from working so hard, and feel like a failure (no one on earth can fill His shoes!). When blame myself and don’t recognize what choices the other person is responsible for making, I prevent others from taking ownership of their sin and reduce the potential for them to grow as a result of our conflict. Isaiah 47:10 says, “Your wisdom and knowledge mislead you when you say to yourself, “I am, and there is none besides me.”” This voice of pride is mine whenever I think that all of the good choices, attitudes, or actions OR all of the bad choices, attitudes, or actions are mine in relationships.

I am learning that God is significantly better at knowing people and loving people than I am, and that is a beautiful, freeing thing! I am learning to identify what I CAN’T do in relationships and specify that out loud, in the moment (Check out the growing list of “Things I Can’t Do” on my blog: www.godblogyou.com !). Each time I add something to the list, I grieve that I can’t do something that I thought I could do (I have less control!), celebrate that I am not responsible for doing it (Freedom!), and am grateful that I know that Someone can do it and do it well (It’s God! There’s hope!). By showing me what I CAN’T do, God is lifting the burden of pride from my shoulders and freeing me to put more energy into what I CAN do. I can love. I can point out how I see God working. I can believe. I can point out sin. I can hope.

the new stuff....

Things I Can’t Do:
1. Make people feel loved (I am called to love and encourage people, but people get to choose whether they will receive or reject my love. I cannot control whether or not they believe that I care about them. I can hug them and write them notes until I’m blue in the face, but if they are convinced that I don’t love them, the hugs and notes will not change their mind. That doesn’t mean that I should stop loving them, but it does mean that my ability to love others can not be measured by whether or not they believe I love them/receive my love.)

2. Control people’s emotions---It’s my fault she’s mad, etc. (People choose what to feel, how to react. Someone can lash out at me and I can choose to respond calmly. Or I can choose to feel rejected or betrayed and yell back at them in anger. In both cases, the person’s action towards me is the same. How I chose to respond was different.)


3. Convict people of sin (It’s God’s job, not mine! I can call people out on negative things that I see in their lives or in their interactions with me. The Bible tells us to rebuke others in love; it is important that I do this out of love and not out of judgment or a desire to be right. At the same time, I cannot make others agree that a behavior is sinful or motivate them to desire change in that area. Neil Anderson, author of the Steps to Freedom, says that is misdirecting that person’s battle with God onto myself.

4. Protect people from shame (If someone is ashamed of their sin and does not want to confess it to others, I cannot protect them from feeling shame. In The Wounded Heart, Allender defines shame as, “the dread of being known.” He goes on to say that it is a result of misplaced trust, of letting people determine our acceptability rather than Christ. If we let Christ determine our acceptability, we are sad over our sin and move towards gratefulness for God’s forgiveness and Jesus’ death. It is up to the person whether or not they look to God or to man, whether they choose to feel shame or sadness).


5. Protect people from sadness, prevent people from being sad. (People choose their emotions.)

6. Heal people (It’s God’s job! I cannot give people freedom. I can point out how I see God working. I can point out sin that I see. I cannot give people a desire to seek truth or increase their belief.)


7. Make people love me (To love is a choice. I can love people, but I have no control over whether they love me back. I can be kind, observant, encouraging, thoughtful, honest, and sincere. I cannot convince people that I am worth loving. I cannot be perfect. I cannot earn love.)

8. Make people feel accepted/prevent them from feeling betrayed. (I can assure people that I love them. It is their choice whether to trust that I love them or to feel betrayed when I am loving someone else or focusing on someone else.)


9. Protect people from feeling rejected, abandoned, or like a failure (To feel fear is a choice.)

10. Read people’s minds/meet needs I don’t know about (To be open, honest, and vulnerable is a choice.)


11. Make people be real/admit their sin (I can be honest and open with others, but I cannot make them confess sin, speak truth, be honest, be vulnerable, admit weakness, etc. They control how well I know them. I can ask questions. I can hang out with them. I can love them. I can pursue them diligently. It is their choice whether or how deeply they let me into their lives.)

12. Make people receive hope (I can point out how I see God working. I can propose solutions to solve a problem. I can offer to help or assist. I can be optimistic. It is up to the person whether they focus on the good or the bad in the situation. I cannot make them see the good. Hope is a matter of perspective; it is a choice.)

13. Make people trust me. (To trust is a choice. I can ask people why they do not trust me. I can ask them if I have sinned against them in some way I am unaware of. I can ask forgiveness for my sin. I can seek reconciliation when there is conflict, but I cannot convince anyone that I am trustworthy. I can be vulnerable and honest and put all my thoughts, feelings, and sins on the table, but they get to choose whether they feel safe around me, whether I am worthy of their trust.)

These are also my prayer requests. Just because I realized that I couldn't do these things enough times to add them to the list does not mean that they are not things that I struggle with anymore. Pray that God would continue to convict me of pride and free me to love others well in relationships!!! Thank you so much for your prayers!!!!!!!