In His goodness, God allowed me to spend a lot of time win them during their last week here, making signs and cupcakes to get ready for Isabel's sixth birthday party, setting up and playing with the kids at the water area in the park while Shawn and Susan set up at the pavilion for the party, late nights at their house packing things in boxes and cleaning in preparation for the big move, playing with the kids outside (tire swings, tag, restaurant/pretend, tree forts/houses, bike riding!)... Some nights I would come home from their house and just cry as lay on my bed. Spending time with them was so good that it hurt to stop, to come back home...
As I waved good-bye, their silver van headed down the street and tears came... I stumbled home (two houses away) and lay on my bed crying, this time heaving sobs shook my frame. No stifling, not sniffles, but full-out weeping. My tears were tears of love, celebration, and sadness. I realize that God has blessed me profoundly through this family. I celebrate His blessing! I celebrate the Inchausteguis! If I didn't see how good that was, I wouldn't be hurting right now. If I didn't have a heart that loves intensely, I wouldn't be hurting. Pray that I have the courage to continue grieving in this way---healthily, without restraint, not trying to push the sadness down or deny the hurt. I am learning that sadness is not "bad," that it is not sin. So often hopelessness and despair accompany sadness, and those are sins. This sadness, however, is not one of hopelessness. It is a sadness of celebration.
For one of the first times in my life, I am beginning to see how closely joy and sorrow are related, how both can be so profoundly felt at the same time. They are not opposites; they coexist. Anxiety is the opposite of joy, not sadness. I can grieve openly and not worry about falling into despair or depression and "being sad forever" because I can see God moving so much! He is blessing me and providing for me right and left! The other day I literally recognized TEN ways he blessed me in ONE hour! He's crazy about me! He is giving me eyes to see Him work! He reminds me how well He knows me! There is great joy in that!
At the same time, as Oswald Chambers said, "All change is loss. All loss must be grieved." (Thanks for the quote, Ashley!!!) I felt at home in the Inchausteguis' house, like I belonged, was loved, was accepted. At any moment it was okay to have silly, joyful times or ask a hard questions or have a deep conversations. We openly told each other (mostly me and Susan) that we were crazy about each other. Now they have moved. That is a loss. There will be grief. That is natural and healthy.
Let me introduce you to my friends...
Isabel and Kaleb wonder why we have to stop playing in the water to take a picture. The water area was conveniently located near the party
pavilion for Isabel's birthday celebration at a park. You can see Susan in the yellow shirt in the background. She worked really hard to make this a great day for Isabel! A lot of kids from Isabel's kindergarten class got to come, too.
The birthday girl blows out her candles.
There were two pinatas at the party. To break open the first one, you had to pull on the right string. Each kid got to pick one string. The birthday girl started us off...
Shawn, in blue to the right, made sure everyone understood how to do it. Later he blindfolded the kids and spun them around for pinata number two---the traditional, whack it as hard as you can kind.
This is baby brother Isaac at the end of all the birthday fun, looking adorable as usual.
Having a picnic in their tree house (the day before they moved)
2 Comments:
hi friend... it sounds like you've been truly blessed! i'll be praying that your tears will bless you more still...
nice use of the quote!! just wanted to let you know that i got it from henri nouwen... chambers might have said it too, though:).
oops! thanks for the correction :0) And you're right, I have been very, very blessed!
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